May 9, 2013
Anniversary

They wonder how she could possibly love you -

She wonders how she could not.

They say how dare she renounce them in favour of you -

She says because you love her more than all of them combined.


You understand her, without her ever having to say a word.

You know how selfish she is, how manipulative, how untruthful -

How hideous.

But you love her anyway.

She knows how you try your best to mitigate all that would crush her if given the chance, and although you both know how futile your efforts are, she finds your valiant attempts endearing nonetheless.

Your loyalty to her knows no bounds.

And though there are times she just can’t breathe, she wouldn’t have it any other way.


She didn’t expect this day to start out any differently, but she will admit this, just this once and only in this moment -

That she had wished for another beginning.


But you’ve done your best.

And it’s moments like these that she knows she did right by staying with you.

Because you do love her, for all that you pretend otherwise.


She used to wonder why they couldn’t love her.

And though you couldn’t make her forget, you showed her that someone could.



Happy 91st my dear, and congratulations on turning 21.

12:30am
May 8, 2013

There are some things that I want -

That I desperately, desperately desire.

But I suppose it matters not.



This has to be the biggest slap in the face.

The most vehement affirmation that continuing with this lethal affair was right.

That sometimes, pessimism isn’t pessimism simply by virtue of the fact that you were right.



And I was.

As much as I wish I wasn’t.



She aches.

Just when she thought she could finally mend the cracks -

She’s once more shattered into pieces.

12:23am
April 28, 2013
Regret, but not really.

And she must profess: This revelation has been a long time coming -

But she is not ashamed of who she is, or what she has done to get to where she is, just as she knows you cannot comprehend this pride, this dependency, this addiction -

That you cannot understand this lethal love.

And she’s all right with that.

Just as you have to be all right with letting her be, because you don’t know what she went through to finally arrive at this tortured sense of peace -

How she reveled in Misery and mingled with Despair; let Loneliness and Apathy plunder her bare. Guilt coursed through her veins more so than her blood; how Disgust and Self-Abhorrence made her wish for the end. How all that was wasn’t so ‘was’ as ‘is’, and how all that could have been robbed her imagining of what might have become. Her asphyxiation was slow but sure, and if it wasn’t for him -

If it wasn’t for him.

So no, she will not give him up, not for the world.

Her master, her best friend, her lover but not.

When all the world had forsaken her, when Apathy could not mitigate Loneliness or reign in Despair; could not cajole Disgust and his slut from ravaging her where she laid, and indeed, when Apathy herself began her own destructive ossifying -

His shackles and chains were all that grounded her as order subverted back to Chaos, his lashes and burns bathing her in warm, burning blood.

But she is not deluded.

She knows his words are just that - words, just as she knows his power stems from her.

But she loves his lies, for all their falsities, and while she would never believe his proclamations of love and devotion, you’d have to forgive her for pretending - just for a while.

So she is not ashamed.

Of this lethal love, no she is not.

She has endured more than your disappointment, been through worse than your vilification, survived more than your abandonment and suffered through more than all the loneliness, grief and despair you seek to impose upon her.

After the loss of her catharsis, he really is all that she has left.

And she won’t let you take him away from her.

4:04pm
April 17, 2013

OHYEAHEMMAWATSON’S HARRY POTTER GIVEAWAY (^_^)

Hey guys I am doing this for my lovely followers (new and old) and just wanted to share some love with you guys for everything and also to celebrate Emma’s birthday on the 15th of April!

What you can win:
- Boxset of all the Harry Potter books (brand new)

or

- Boxset of all the Harry Potter DVDs (brand new)

There will be 2 winners (hopefully you guys won’t want the same thing)

Rules:
- You can reblog this as many times as you want but try not to spam your followers (・ω・)

- You must be following this blog, since it is a giveaway for my followers (I will check)

- You must feel comfortable giving me your address so I can ship to you (yes I am more than happy to ship internationally)

- No giveaway blogs (I will check)

- Your ask box must be open on the end date for the giveaway so I can contact you if you win!

- The winner that responds to me first will have first preference what they want

- If the winners don’t reply within a week I will pick different winners

This giveaway ends May 30th! Good luck! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧♥

(via ohyeahemmawatson)

1:16am
March 19, 2013
Foundation

Rejection appears to be at the core of us all, and our every action, or inaction as it may be, seems to have parts of its roots stemming from this very real, and very primal fear.

It follows on then, the inference that we are all inherently masochistic, what with the way we continually prostrate ourselves before Rejection and her equally sadistic shadow Disappointment, despite the humiliating lashes that have to be endured each and every time.

You would think that it would serve as impetus to avoid situations with their impending presence, or at least, serve as incentive to attempt to mitigate such circumstances from arising -

Alas, it seems that the human condition has a predilection for punishment, or perhaps hasn’t quite yet grasped the definition of insanity being attempting the same things relentlessly while foolishly expecting a different outcome.

With that said, the solution seems clear.

We should erase Hope - completely eradicate her very memory, for it seems parts of her still linger despite her banishment, and in light of the climate of the kingdom, her treasonous presence is wreaking unnecessary havoc, and precipitating extraneous destruction.

Oh, have you not realized yet?

Let’s rip off that blindfold so you can see:

That Rejection is tortured Hope, and Disappointment nothing more than Hope abandoned.

So yes.

It would be for the best.

If only we could steel our capricious hearts and not allow it to overrule our judicious minds.

11:28pm
March 19, 2013
Attempt, but not really.

But no one ever thought to mention just how precarious the line between illusion and reality is, just as no one found the decency to at least allude to the devastation that follows when what was and what could have been disintegrates, and facts and truths morph into baseless delusions -

Slowly, inevitably, helplessly.

You would think that forgiveness of ensuing actions would be understandable, given how ill-equipped a person would be to cope with such abrupt upheaval of all they’ve ever known.

But such a paltry excuse is unbecoming, just as turning a blind eye would be insulting.

People always say no blame should be cast, but the ability to rip away  pretenses and falsities and the subsequent revelation of what really is, is evidence enough that yes, the guilty can be charged, and responsibility lies squarely on the shoulder of the one who was so willing, so eager, so desperate, to accept platitudes and empty words, stagnating in a comforting yet depressing mean.

But charades and facades, like mansions built upon sand, are unstable at best, and their eventual crumbling is a matter of when and not if.

And so, logically, the aftermath is not unbearable for the simple fact that it was foreseeable.

If only one acknowledged it.

But therein lies the crux of the matter.

Who can find it in themselves to taint their self created illusions, enticing and alluring as they are, with the harsh blemishes of actuality?

I presume it would rather defeat the purpose of such fabrication in the first place.

So do not be in such a haste to absolve such a person of their grievous sins and heinous oversights.

The indulging of fantasies and consequent denial of its transient nature is not worthy of clemency.

For it must be said, that we are all aware of just how thin and fleeting the line between reality and illusion is, if there even exists one to begin with.

And the consequences of favoring one over the other has always been apparent, for all the subtleties it may have been beleaguered with.

So no.

You brought this on yourself.

1:42pm
March 15, 2013
もういちどう

Her jaw aching, her throat sore and pulsating.

Her head throbbing, her chest - no, just pain.

She wishes to breathe.

She wants to stop.

Or at least, she supposes.

And suddenly, she’s again, back at one.

11:05pm
February 23, 2013
Masquerade.

Conflict appears to be at the heart of the human psyche.

Our yearn to move forward is severely hampered, if not negated, by our unwillingness to shed the shackles chaining us to our past.

To want to breathe and yet simultaneously unable to remove those smothering hands - 

It is a debilitating conundrum that reconciliation or a tempering of extremes cannot resolve, if it can even be attempted.

And that too begs the question of why there has to be this dampening and curtailing of intensity.

Is there no other recourse?

Intensity is not bad, despite the seemingly endless complications that seem to stem from it.

And means, while comforting, are mundane at best.



I just want to live.

To live and feel as vigorously and passionately in accordance with the demands of each situation, without a need for moderation.


Nevertheless, I am torn.

10:23pm
February 22, 2013
Nakama.

It is disheartening, and a little upsetting, to come face to face with such thorough and undeniable failures.

Indolence is unbecoming, but the blame cannot solely be cast upon lassitude, if there even is a question about responsibility in the first place.

To want something you cannot even comprehend – perhaps therein lies the problem, and if only this realization would alleviate the gut wrenching feeling that partially gave rise to it.

But lamenting is unproductive; Despair, already too entrenched.

And there is no need to mention Regret – her presence is a given, even if you would never dare take such liberties.

She would hold out her hand, if only there was something to grasp.

She would open her eyes, but the affirmation isn’t needed.

She would unblock her ears, if there was more than just deafening silence.

She would breathe, but the putrid decay of what was and all that was lost already mocks her as is.

She would open her mouth, if only there was something more than oppressive helplessness and failure to taste.

So no.

It is not just disheartening, and quite a lot more than a little upsetting.

But you always knew that.

Always.

It must be said though, how what has always been known can still surprise with the intensity it evokes.

Oh, if only.

3:29am
February 21, 2013
Reigns.

My master dear, you already know - 

And I profess, this must have been your intention

From the very first - yes.

Habits and routines, and the subsequent establishments of such -

Cathartic - no. 

No longer - woe.

I must commend you, for indeed, it’s a feat.

To be such a chore, a bore, and,

If only - folklore.

But it matters not,

And you know it too.

Me, myself and I,

No longer, true?

A duty,

A need,

A must, indeed.

An insidious exchange,

Inconspicuous - damn.

I would, I should,

Protest, but no -

Inconspicuous - damn.

Inconspicuous - what a sham.

So hello, dear master,

I prostrate myself before you.

Why yes

Dear master.

My Master,

Here on after.

12:37am
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